Conflict in the workplace cannot be avoided — it’s the leaders job to deal with it!

Let’s face it, if you put two people together in any given situation, the likelihood that conflict may arise is extremely high. What is conflict? Conflict is disagreement, but contrary to popular belief conflict does not necessarily involve fighting. Conflict exists in any situation where facts, desires or fears pull or push participants against each other or in divergent directions.

Conflict is a normal and natural part of any workplace. When it occurs, however, there is a tendency for morale to be lowered, an increase in absenteeism and decreased productivity. It has been estimated that managers spend at least 25 percent of their time resolving workplace conflicts — causing lowered office performance.

One reason there is so much conflict in the workplace is primarily because most people simply haven’t learned how to resolve conflict before it turns into fighting, or more often than not, try to avoid conflict at all cost. This is why we have so many ‘elephants in the room’ which grow and fester. The problem with this is everyone is expending massive amounts of energy trying to avoid these ‘landmines’ and find themselves feeling they are treading on ‘eggshells’, avoiding bosses and peers, ignoring a colleagues bad behavior or poor performance, and seemingly are unable to have productive and fruitful conversations.

I have seen up-close and personal numerous situations where the absence of conflict resolution has led to disastrous outcomes and many wasted hours of employees time and energy. I was made aware of a manager who on a daily basis would appear to be involved in a negative interaction with either a peer or her manager. On one occasion, she took it upon herself to barge into a closed door meeting with her boss who was having a private (skip level) meeting with her employee. She demanded to know from her boss why he was meeting with her employee — even though there was a company wide initiative encouraging skip level meetings, in order to break down communication bottlenecks within management. Neither the manager’s boss or the employee confronted the situation, but avoided the conflict because of either the shock of what had happened, or just not wanting to appear to be a part of the problem. Have you ever found yourself in the middle of a contentious situation?

I’d like to provide three steps to moving you and your workplace, and even your home, to working through conflict. I believe this approach may get you the results that may have eluded you to date:

  • Engage both parties in an empathic way. This is, recognizing that both parties have been affected on an emotional level — they may be angry, bitter, wounded, fearful, even disgusted by the other person. If individuals are unable to express and label their emotions (how they’ve been impacted), they will not be able to move onto working through solutions. There is often a danger in these situations to expect people to “act” like professionals. Unfortunately, this approach never works, because what makes us human is our ability to feel and express a very wide range of emotions. Ultimately, when both parties acknowledge the other persons feelings, they can begin to the next step.
  • Allow both parties to explain their version of the events. Sounds incredibly simple. But it is because of misunderstanding — in the first place, that conflict has arisen. When I conduct a mediation session or coaching an individual through a challenging situation, it is without fail, that the parties have a different understanding of what has transpired. And if the conflict has risen to the level to require mediation, then there is significant misunderstanding on many levels. Often times, it can be very difficult to have individuals clearly articulate the events without creeping back into misunderstanding. The ability to listen deeply to both parties and understand how each individual has contributed to the conflict will enable you to identify potential solutions.
  • Create a psychologically safe environment for the individuals. When conflict arises, it will always have an impact on trust between people. It is staggering to me how many times this critical factor is overlooked. Again, the workplace can often feel cold and inhumane when we fail to recognize how allowing conflict to exist amongst co-workers on a daily basis is damaging, if not traumatic, to an individual’s psyche. In a recent study at Google, they found that teams with psychologically safe environments had employees who were less likely to leave, more likely to harness the power of diversity, and ultimately, were more successful. As leaders and managers, it is our job to protect people from work environments that are dysfunctional. We dare not abdicate our mandate to create environments where people can thrive, lest we expose our associates to emotional trauma, anxiety and stress.

So when the conflict inevitably arises, follow these three steps and you will minimize the negative impact of conflict at work.


Bridgegate -How Leaders Can Remain Grounded

IMG_4428The recent George Washington Bridge Scandal has many of us asking ourselves why elected officials and C-level executives continue to be embroiled in leadership snafu’s. Political consultant Steven Schmidt is quoted as saying that the path for mayors of the state of New Jersey is usually the express lane to the penitentiary! The Governors’ quickness to blame his aides and subsequently firing some of them, is not an act of responsible leadership. In the January 12, 2014 Los Angeles Times article, “Just New Jersey as usual?”, the very behaviors Gov. Chris Christie says are “embarrassing and humiliating” of his team members, are cited to be “quintessentially New Jersey”. So why is Gov. Christie expressing embarrassment? It is my opinion that this leader has fallen victim to what happens to leaders when we lose our way. As the great business philosopher Peter Drucker once stated, that for people in charge there is no such thing as power, only responsibility. The actions of Gov. Christies’ team are a clear violation of any kind of acting with responsibility toward those they are paid to serve.
As is becoming the norm rather than the exception, many leaders could avoid “crashing and burning” if they followed a few proven principles:
Recognize that leadership power can be intoxicating. As Marty Rubin states, “If you can abuse your power you have too much”. Authentic leadership is nonhierarchical. Formal authority or a title doesn’t make you a leader. When leaders are unaware of how their team members behave to get the job done, it is a clear sign of neglect and or willful ignorance. Leaders must behave the way they wish their followers would behave. As one CEO stated, “…I think it is unnatural for you to be dishonest and your people to be honest.” An organizations culture begins at the top and trickles down through all of management. If your team members are engaged in “embarrassing and humiliating’ behaviors, one may conclude that their actions are a ‘shadow’ of their leader
Self-awareness is an essential attribute and quality of effective leaders. Emotional awareness: recognizing ones emotions and their effects; Accurate Self-assessment: knowing ones strengths and limits; Self-confidence: a strong sense of ones self-worth and capabilities; are from Daniel Golemans’ Emotional Intelligence Competence Framework. It is unfortunate how many leaders throughout history have lacked that necessary self-awareness. Every leader is cursed with weaknesses and blind spots that can be overcome only with the help of others. The problem of self-awareness is further exacerbated for leaders when those who follow them fail to provide honest feedback and either live in fear or infatuation with them. Hans Christian Andersens’ The Emperors’ New Clothes is a classic tale of how a complete lack of self-awareness and obsession with oneself can lead one to engage in those self-destructive behaviors.
Accountability for leaders in the 21st century is not optional. The temptation to do leadership alone tends to create problems which could be fended off if leaders surrounded themselves with other leaders, as well as mentors and coaches. It is very lonely at the top! Executives often have (or feel they have) no one capable and trusted enough to share their challenges, aspirations, and insecurities. When leaders recognize that they have a responsibility to their followers and those they are serving, “going it alone” is an unacceptable approach and is recipe for failure. Wise leaders have the confidence to act upon what they know and the humility to doubt their knowledge. This is where mentors come in – and mentees. Leaders need to recognize that they can learn from those they lead and from their peers.
The Bridgegate scandal shows us what can happen when leaders lose perspective, fail to understand their impact on others, and abdicate their responsibilities by being out of touch with their team members.

Why a Chief Culture Officer?

“Corporations live or die by their connection to culture.”₁
“Culture matters – it can make or break your company.”₂
“Fixing the culture is the most critical – and most difficult – part of a corporate transformation.”₃
“If you get the culture right, most of the other stuff will just take care of itself.”₄
“Your organization’s culture determines your results, and the results you want should largely determine the kind of culture you need.” ₅

1. Chief Culture Officer – Grant McCracken, 2. A Perspective on Organizational Culture – The Katzenbach Center at Booz & Company;3. Lou Gertsner – Retired CEO of IBM; 4. Tony Hsieh, Founder and CEO of; 5. Change the Culture, Change the Game – Roger Connors & Tom Smith